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Just some thoughts

ROAD TRIPPPPP

So little update,

I’ve been in Cali since last night and since I’m early I booked a hotel for a day so I don’t have to suffer any more back aches from sleeping in the car at the rest stops.

Anywho I guess I most of been really excited for the trip and kinda forgot about my ✨PTSD✨ and I went into the shower to get settled and I couldn’t breathe and started having chest pains. I got a little emotional & then embarrassed because I was getting emotional over a hotel bathroom.

But I had to be kinder to myself and realize why it was so triggering. I was scrubbing and holding myself silently so the guy couldn’t hear me. The scratches on my legs made me feel nauseous. But when I went into the bathroom today I felt like I was reliving it all over again.

I just wanna get out of here as soon as possible. I will but I have to chill out. I hope I don’t deal with nightmares tonight. I took some melatonin so hopefully that works. I’m just glad my airbnb doesn’t resemble anything of that night.

I know I have some repressed depression but I think I’ll be fine.

Once I get dropped off I can have some alone time and feel out my feelings. I have a few safe places or people I can trust with my emotions & vulnerability of course. I just don’t like to share that kinda stuff with people. If I can handle it on my own I usually do. I think that’s my biggest issue. I can comfort people with no problem, I’m just not super comfortable with others doing that for me just yet. I’m optimistic I can get through this shit. I’ve been though worse honestly. I have enough “character development” to age me 10 years.

Anywho I’m trying to put on brave face and just have fun. That’s why I came out here. I kinda miss my long hair..but I had to cut it after what happened because I felt disgusting after he pulled it trying to hold me down.

Ugh aside from that I’ve been doing ok. I’m definitely getting a massage. I hope I can get the same lady. She uhhh made me very happy & I was kinda embarrassed but she didn’t seem to mind so I gave her a good tip. Bless her heart.

I’m definitely going to eat & go swimming if I can. I’m still be urged to go out to this party thing but I don’t want to run into Rico. Which I found out he will be there yesterday. I’m all for parties but Rico is a different kinda guy when he parties. So I will not be going because last time I did party with him it was BAD. So it’s a no for me & I have a feeling if my dad ever found out about him, he’d literally kill him. It would be easy to send someone out but I don’t like doing that. I’m looking forward to leaving this place and getting started on relaxing.

💖Caught In 4K 📷

⭐️Some of my favorite pictures & random uploads⭐️

This is another one of my digital art doodles. I did a free hand drawing this time. It helped mellow me out earlier and was worth the 2 hours💓

This is a book I read (I forgot the name😭 ) but it’s a book I read when I went to a cabin and went camping by myself.

Every page has a species of a different tree and you learn a little about its origin and some symbolism with it. This was one of my favorites because, I’m a giver at heart even when I don’t want to be and so now I have a favorite tree ?

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✨Sometimes I Think. Sometimes I Don’t Chronicles🤡 ✨

Hey besties,

I’ll be taking some time off for another trip & maybe squeeze something in if I can.I’ll also be tweaking with the page for a little bit because I’ve been meaning to for a while now.

I love you 💕

Remember,

I love you and ALWAYS love ya self💕