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Just some thoughts

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Soooo besties,

I’m feeling a little better after talking to my therapist. Bless her heart she texted me this morning for a little bit. I’m heading out on the road on Wednesday and should be there around Saturday or Friday.

I talked to another friend of mine out in Cali. She’s kinda a party girl & very into the scene in Hollywood area with influencers & all that. I’ve partied with her once or twice and got kinda crazy having too much fun. So I dont go out with her often💀

She invited me to go to this party near Beverly Hills but I told her I was debating about it.

I kinda wanna relax and chill while I’m out there.

First thing ima do is go to that damn spa and get a massage. Hopefully I can request the same lady because JESUS I didn’t know I could be touched in the way she did.

Felt like I was 20 again afterwards.

I plan on buying groceries mostly so I can cook for myself at the airbnb. Trying hard not to take my ps4 with me because then I’ll stay in like a cave man the whole week.

I will fold to take out but not a lot. I get too burnt out on fast food if I have it more than 2 days in a row.

I bought a bed for the car so we don’t have to get hotel & some curtains for the windows because the car doesn’t have tint🙄 and I don’t like being an aquarium on wheels.

I’m definitely going to smoke & probably go to the beach because it’s my comfy place. I’m just ready to get away from all the bullshit. I’m putting my phone on DND while I’m out because I don’t want any more drama then I’ve already stirred up with my best friends.

They are still upset with me now because they felt like I was defending him but I guess I can’t win. So everyone is kinda pissed off at me ig💀

One of my besties is more understanding about but doesn’t like my choices of still talking to him. But I dont need to explain myself to him. He knows how I am & I’m going to do what I want because I’m a grown woman. He’s just said he’s going to be checking in on me at most. My hg on the other hand.. is very upset with me & I won’t hear the end of it for a while.

She feels like I’m not supposed to care about his situation.

I’m a lot of things but I’m not heartless.

I don’t pity him. I just wanna show support with what he’s going through. See him for myself because of the dreams I had.

I mean yeah i wanted to have fun..but just because I won’t do that anymore doesn’t mean I can’t be a good friend to him. The only reason I even reached out was because of my gut telling me I should.

I wasn’t really thinking about him after our fight because I said what I said. Time passed for like 3 years after the fight? Then one day I had this dream that was repetitive. Like when I say repetitive it was every night for like 2 months. I had to smoke before bed so I wouldn’t dream anymore and my sleep schedule was a mess.

I would start off somewhere random not always the same place in the beginning. Then I would hear him “hey ills” and I couldn’t see him no matter how hard I looked. So eventually I go back to the main part of my dream until I hear him calling me again. Id get mad and turn around and he’s laying on the ground in his front yard. “ come on lay down here with me ills” and eventually I would lay next him.

when I turned around his face was slightly decaying. It was horrible & I felt something in my gut pulling at me. After many variations of that dream leading to the same ending I decided to finally hit him up. Idk I’m sure it’s just a coincidence but whatever.

Anyway I hope this trip is gonna be fun and the relaxing break I need regardless of what happens.

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That’s Just Me Tho☕️🐸
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But that’s just me tho…🐸☕️

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✨Sometimes I Think. Sometimes I Don’t Chronicles🤡 ✨

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Hey besties,

I’ll be taking some time off for another trip & maybe squeeze something in if I can.I love you 💕


I love you and ALWAYS love ya self💕